


A Footnote in History

by BCBoo



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6786238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BCBoo/pseuds/BCBoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba is facing his own mortality, Sonny isn't.</p><p>Emotions are high and a walk down memory lane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Footnote in History

Rafael was hunched over the kitchen table when Sonny walked out of the bedroom into their open plan apartment. He had just put Alice, their one-month old baby, down for a nap.

“What are you working on Rafi?” 

“Nothing.” Rafael didn’t look up. Sonny walked over and Rafael hid what he was doing from view.

“You’re doing that letter again aren’t you? I thought you were done with this?” Sonny sat down next to his husband taking note of the uneaten sandwich he had made for Rafi’s lunch an hour ago. 

“I’m re-writing Alice’s letter, there’s so much more I want to say” Rafael avoided eye contact with Sonny. “I can’t get them right, I’ve re-written yours five times already.”

“You’re not going to need these damn letters because you’re going to be here to say everything yourself.” Sonny forced a smile and took Rafael’s hand. The Cuban turned to look at him angrily.

“And what if I’m not?” He pulled his hand away. “What if the chemo doesn’t work? I could die before Alice’s first birthday then I’d be just a footnote on your history.”

“What are you talking about. You’re my husband, you’re Alice’s Papi.” Sonny tried to put a hand on Rafi’s shoulder but it was shrugged off.

“Let’s not kid ourselves Sonny! If I die you’ll move on, you’ll find someone else. Don’t deny it I know you will, I wouldn’t want you moping about after me for the rest of your life.” Rafael turned away. “Whoever they are they’ll be Alice’s father, or mother. She won’t remember me; I’ll just be some stranger in old photos of her Dad.” He sighed “You know I love your endless optimism but right now you’re driving me mad. You need to face reality.”

“The doctor said…”

“I know what the doctor said, the chemotherapy could put me into remission but it’s not guaranteed. I need to do these things just in case, like the letters and my will to make sure you and Alice are looked after, and make sure Alice at least has something to know me by.” 

Sonny stared at his husband. Rafael was shaking slightly, Sonny didn’t know if it was anger, hunger or a side effect of the medication he was on. He stood up without saying a word and went to the bedroom. Rafael watched him go. He hadn’t wanted to offload on Sonny like that but he was so tired recently, between the constant fatigue and Alice keeping them awake he was on edge. He was about to go after him when Sonny came back holding a book.

“This was meant to be a surprise for our wedding anniversary.” Sonny threw the book onto the table. It was a photo album. On the front was the first photo they’d taken together. They were in Sonny’s old apartment. Rafael had just cooked a Cuban dish, neither of them even remember what it was now but what they did remember was Sonny had been distracting him so much it turned out inedible. Sonny had caught a photo of them both laughing over how terrible it was.

Rafael flicked through the book. It was their entire relationship. The first section was full of photos of them in each other’s apartments as they had kept the relationship secret from the outside world. They were followed by photos from their first vacation together, shots of them on the beach in Miami.

There was a photo of them at Bella’s apartment after they’d told their families about the relationship. Rafael was awkwardly holding a baby boy, Bella’s second child. No-one then would have guessed then that Rafael would be the first one in the relationship to suggest they have a child of their own.

There was their first anniversary, one year and two days after they’d first started dating. Sonny had missed the actual anniversary because he was working on a case he couldn’t take a break from. Rafael had always admired Sonny’s dedication to his work and wasn’t upset he’d missed the date. He was more upset that Sonny was working the case with his ex-girlfriend who worked for LAPD. She’d flown to New York when a serial rapist from LA had moved on from the City of Angels and started attacking in the Big Apple. He didn’t have anything to worry about of course and was surprised when he found himself jealous. When they caught the rapist Sonny came home and insisted one year and two days was even more important than a silly one year, and it had become a tradition.

Their wedding day, three years and two days after they’d started dating. It was just them outside a court house. Sonny had been deep undercover for almost a year and Rafael had begun to wonder if he’d ever see him again. Sonny had gone under suddenly just as they were preparing to move in together leaving Rafael to do all the packing and moving alone. He’d had to move again while Sonny was away and worried the detective wouldn’t be able to find him if and when he did come home. He needn’t have worried. Sonny turned up one evening at their apartment, scruffy, unshaven, hair grown long, but his eyes hadn’t changed. They spent a frantic passionate night together before going out of state to get married immediately. The wedding wasn’t grand; it wasn’t what either of them had planned, it was barely even an event but it was perfect. Rafael’s mother was unimpressed that she wasn’t invited. Sonny’s parents were disappointed because while they had accepted Sonny was bisexual they had hoped he would end up with a woman.

Alice’s first photo, her first sonogram. Before they found out about the cancer they’d decided to use a surrogate to have a child. There had never really been a discussion on who the biological father should be, it seemed obvious to Rafael that it should be Sonny, he was always the one who dreamed of his own family after all. Then before they knew it they’d caught the first glimpse of their child there in black and white.

Rafael paused at a photo he hadn’t seen before. He could tell it was taken at some point between the time he’d received his diagnosis and the first round of chemo. He was alone, sitting on the sofa looking at a picture, he realised it must have been a later sonogram. Sonny must have taken the photo without Rafael noticing. He could tell it was one of what Sonny called his ‘perfect shots’. The light was coming through the window just right; Rafael couldn’t have been in a better position if he’d been posed. He was holding the picture in front of him, staring intently at it with a concerned look on his face. He vaguely remembered that day. He was trying to figure out what to do. Receiving a cancer diagnosis while they were preparing for the birth of their child was something neither of them could have foreseen. Rafael had fallen apart at first. He had frequent panic attacks and at one point wondered if he would even get to meet his daughter. Then he focused on the idea that he would have to be ok so he could walk her down the aisle one day. Sonny joked that Rafael would have to be the one to walk her down the aisle as he would be at the front of the church reminding the groom what would happen to him if he ever hurt their precious daughter. Rafi alternated between panic and calm for weeks. That was a calm day.

He turned more pages to see Alice’s first real photo. It was the day she was born. Rafael was holding her, not a hint of awkwardness this time, and looking at her with nothing but love in his eyes. Sonny was sitting as close as possible, one arm wrapped around his husband, one hand on his daughter, looking at her and looking as happy and proud as he could be.

The final photo was taken the previous week. They’d taken Alice to the park for the first time. It was a beautifully sunny day. They’d had to take it slow, most of the time was spent sitting as Rafael was easily exhausted these days but still it had been perfect. He was sitting on the ground leaning against a tree and smiling at the camera. Alice was lying on his chest sleeping, completely unaware of her Dad snapping away with the camera. It was one of those memories Rafael would keep with him till his dying day.

“You will never be just a footnote on my life Rafi. This book, the pictures, the memories, this is our life. I will keep updating it until there are no memories left. If you die tomorrow or in forty years Alice will remember you. Even if she only has this book and my words she will know Rafael Barba. I promise you.” 

Sonny was still standing. He ran a hand through Rafael’s slightly thinning hair. Rafi was focused on the final picture. He tried to blink back some tears, he hated anyone seeing him cry, even his husband. 

“Thank you.” He didn’t know what else to say. He leaned against Sonny, letting his t-shirt soak up the tears. They stayed in that position in silence for a few moments before Alice decided to interrupt them with a cry. Rafael sat back and wiped away the tears. “It’s my turn.” He went to see to Alice. Sonny glanced briefly at the unfinished letters on the table. He considered looking at them but decided against it, choosing instead to go help with the baby.


End file.
